Well y’all, if 2025 were a biscuit, mine would be burnt on the bottom and raw in the middle.
First, while I was in Ireland, somebody skimmed my debit card at a Coke machine of all places. Ran off with almost $5,000 in less than half a day, twenty dollars at a time like they were peeling peanuts. Thank the good Lord and First Citizens Bank, I got my money back.
But today took the cake and ate the icing too.
I pull up to the farm after running errands and there’s EIGHT Amazon boxes stacked on my front porch like I’m opening up a store in Shealyville. Now Christmas is long gone and I’m waiting on exactly ONE little thing, and it surely doesn’t require eight boxes and a dolly.
Every single box has my name on it. I open a couple. Wall hooks. A little hand-held fan. Then another box and I still don’t know what it is, even after reading the paperwork twice and squinting real hard.
So I go inside to check my Amazon account and I’m locked out for “too many sign-in attempts.” Funny thing is… I hadn’t signed in at all.
While I’m standing there trying to figure out which end is up, two more boxes land on the porch. One I can tell is some fancy tool to change brake pads. Now y’all know good and well I am not about to be out here changing brake pads. The other one is still sealed because I was one more box away from needing sweet tea and a nap.
After a long talk with Amazon, I think it’s straightened out. We’ll see.
But here’s what’s got me shaking my head on the porch swing…
Why in the world would somebody hack my account, buy a bunch of stuff I don’t need, and have it shipped to my own house? Were they planning to come back and pick it up while starring in a documentary for the 300 cameras around this farm?
If they’d sent it to their own house, at least we’d know where to mail the bill and a good dose of shame.
I don’t know what kind of backwoods criminal mastermind plan this was, but bless their hearts… it didn’t pass Porch Logic 101.
WHILE I BREATHE 