“Sounded Good in Somebody’s Head, But Won’t Hold Up on the Porch”
1. Chemtrail Ban – S.110
What it tries to do: Ban intentional atmospheric chemical release.
Why it won’t work: Airspace and weather programs are federal. The state has no agency spraying clouds.
Porch talk: That’s like outlawing unicorn wrangling when you don’t even own a stable.
2. Drag Shows for Minors – S.733
What it tries to do: Block state-funded drag events for children.
Why it won’t work: Libraries already set their own programming. The bill replaces local control with vague enforcement.
Porch talk: Telling every library what to do from Columbia is hollering across three counties and expecting folks to listen.
3. Ten Commandments in Classrooms
What it tries to do: Require postings in public schools.
Why it won’t work: Federal courts have repeatedly ruled against it, guaranteeing lawsuits the state will lose.
Porch talk: We keep knocking on the same locked door and wondering why it won’t open.
4. DEI Ban in Public Contracts – S.686
What it tries to do: Block race-based criteria in contracts.
Why it won’t work: It conflicts with federal funding rules, leaving agencies trapped between two laws.
Porch talk: That’s asking folks to paddle upstream with one oar.
5. Library Degree Restrictions – S.707
What it tries to do: Ban requiring ALA-accredited degrees.
Why it won’t work: It weakens standards without fixing hiring shortages.
Porch talk: Like saying the dentist doesn’t really need dental school.
6. Pregnancy & Handicapped Parking
What it tries to do: Let pregnant women use disabled parking.
Why it won’t work: With roughly 60,000 births a year in South Carolina, even a fraction of expectant mothers would overwhelm limited accessible spaces.
Porch talk: I’ve been pregnant. It’s hard. But this would turn parking lots into musical chairs where somebody with a wheelchair always loses.
7. Bathroom Restrictions
What it tries to do: Require bathroom use by biological sex.
Why it won’t work: It is unenforceable and exposes the state to civil-rights lawsuits.
Porch talk: Nobody at the front desk signed up to referee people’s bodies.
8. Non-Certified Teacher Pilot – S.79
What it tries to do: Allow districts to hire up to 10% non-certified teachers.
Why it won’t work: Lowering standards does not solve shortages and risks classroom quality.
Porch talk: You don’t fix a leaky roof by pulling shingles off.
9. Sanctuary Jurisdiction Penalties – S.735
What it tries to do: Penalize counties over immigration releases.
Why it won’t work: Immigration enforcement is federal, and counties lack authority and funding.
Porch talk: That’s asking Grandma to fix the tractor with a teaspoon.
While I Breathe, I Hope
WHILE I BREATHE 